Tuesday, March 30, 2010

of old friends and new...

over the last couple of weeks i met two friends i haven't seen in over six years, found a new friendship that I hope will last as long... and the long conversations just reminded me why exactly we need friends - over and above all other relationships in life...

this is for my friends - the ones i found, those who are still around and those who have moved on... my life would not be the same without you

Won't mention names since those that the posts relate to will understand

Love, hate and something in between

The whole episode of looking back at friendship started when you asked me the question - why are you thinking about me?

and think of this as my answer ...

You know as well as me that it is indeed rare for two people to mutually 'affect' each other as we have done in the last six months. Never ever has anyone managed to get so quickly under my skin and make me feel angry at the sight of them. And never ever have I given so much importance to a person who obviously had low regard for me...

Today someone told me if they had known earlier they would have made sure we didn't have to suffer each other and one of us could have left after 3 months. And then I wondered why I did not choose the exit option, what made me stay?

I guess there was a part of me that did not want you to hate me... I was sure someday you would realize i was not all evil. I guess there are higher powers that intended for this to be resolved the way it was.

Honestly, I did not expect to confide in you this much .. and more importantly that you would listen. i dont know how to express my gratitude for as you know... dosti mein no sorry, no thank you...

As for the girl you are (not) looking for... I am sure she's out there somewhere.. And when you find her.. i hope she will see in you what I do ...

Just want you to remember this: no matter where life takes us and if you live up to your promise of meeting me in mumbai or not ... we will always have kaziranga

Que Sera Sera

Whatever I write cannot express more than what you wrote. i hope you don't mind me quoting.

"I really felt at peace and was happy for myself and for the first time in a long time i actually was not doing something to please somebody else... thank you for understanding me. Yesterday was a day which finally made my day go so quickly i wished that one day had more than 24 hours."

To me you define what a friend is.. someone who expects nothing more than for you to be yourself... someone with whom time just passes by...

Although we haven't really "been there" for each other much in the last few years, i know if i really need you - you will always be by my side.

What could have been didn't happen... for as my favorite poet says

"You do not wish, nor I
To risk again
This savoured light for noon’s
High joy or pain."

That my friend, to me, is closure.

A walk in the park

You haven't really been in touch with someone for 7 years, but
it only takes 5 minutes after you meet for the conversation to flow, the rapport to come back and the discussion to veer from life, love, career to just plain gossip and dream ventures. That's what they call a friend...

When you are willing to let go of e-mails that had to be sent, calls that needed to be made and all other such 'deliverables'... to take a ride across town in horrible traffic ... because it wasn't even a choice.. you know you've run into what they call a friend.

I don't know if you know.. but it wasn't just time and distance that separated us... there were some things I held against you. But seeing you again made me drop them all. and i promise this time I will stay in touch. It was truly great meeting you again.

Emptiness and belonging

Finding new friends and rediscovering old ones only made me think of how much i missed you even more. For there are a few people in life who are truly irreplaceable. Tried calling you but as usual it was voice mail. To your credit you always warned me this would happen. I've been trying for 10 years (thats a whole decade dammit!) - but I could never be as much as a friend for you as you were to me...

Yet you'll always be my best friend... and even you must admit - you'd never mean as much to anyone else

Although I have only mentioned recent musings above... fact is that i have never given enough credit to the ones who've always been there. I know i should mention so many more of you, but for tonight there are only 3 that I really want to toast .

So here's to -

the one who never forgets to call back and watches every crappy bollywood flick with me

the one who always inspires me to keep looking for my heaven, as she rediscovers the poetry in her life

the one who i can chat to about the incredible, the obscure and mundane with equal comfort and despite our limited interaction is my intellectual soulmate and potentially favorite travel companion (we have to make it happen someday)

And to the ones I have failed to keep in touch with - it is indeed my loss.